Just found it

I just found it. The word i've been looking for in relation to the play party. To, more specifically, the moments when Master took me away from the cross and told me it was time to leave.
Resentment. Not anger, not sadness. I was hurt that he made me leave. That it felt like he was taking my sub-space away. Taking away my pain, (lol never thought i would write that as a bad thing) my fun, and my show.

I KNOW that he did not do this to be mean. I had been there a while, dont want to hog. He also didnt want me to go into subspace that close to us needing to leave and to then have to interact with others and stay the night alone. I know this, i understand.

Knowing what it was that I was feeling makes me feel better now. I am aching and yearning for the pain, for the chance. To get past just the pain, hit my soul, and cry. To beg and plead, and then have Him reconstruct my world.

I love you, Master.