Vocabulary

BDSM has many parts to it, and not all parts may be practiced by those within the lifestyle. The letters generally stand for B-bondage D-disipline/domination S-Sadism(enjoys giving pain) M-masocism (enjoys receiving pain). The extent to which people enjoy each of these parts varies greatly. I, personally, enjoy them all.

A little more vocabulary is needed here. In a coupling of people to practice BDSM, there is generally a Top or Dom(me) and a bottom or sub. (There are also poly groups, but i have no experience with these and am not going to cover that currently). These words are not interchangable however. A Top is someone giving pain, bondage, or other activities. The bottom recieves these. However, a Dom or Domme is the person in control of the situation, and the bottom is the one giving up the control. He or she often chooses to be the Top, but not always. For example, if the Dom(me) is also a masocist, he or she may direct the sub to top them, and give them the pain they seek.


In BDSM, safewords are important for the mental and physical safety of the sub/bottom. This word is something not likely to come up during play. Typically used safe words are "red," often with "yellow" meaning almost to my stopping point. Limits should also be discussed before any scene (BDSM session). With my Master, use of the safeword would make me re-think our relationship, as with the time we have been together and my dedication to Him, we can read eachother well, and i believe He would stop before i reached that point.


The Master/slave relationship I am in is a vairation of the Dom(me)/sub. In this relationship, we are more commited to each other, and i enjoy to serve Him outside of strictly BDSM situations. Say he asked me to get him water, or some other task. I would give my personal control up in this situation, and would gain pleasure from this. The extent of our personal relationship, currently, is generally in the bedroom/private time, however I do have things I must allow him to choose. It is He that says yea or nea to sexual or BDSM encounters with others. A sub generally is allowed to play with others, without the permission of his or her Dom(me), but i, however, choose to give that control to my Master.

For myself, outside of slave, i identify as a switch. I enjoy being both a top and a bottom. I enjoy both giving and recieving pain. For me, identifying as a switch is painful. I have the desire to do both, but often times my partner does not want to switch, leaving a part of my yearnings unfullfilled. It causes power stuggles inside my head.

Every BDSM relationship is different, just like every relationship is different. What works only works if each person wants it to work. In the end, an extremely loving and fulfilling relationship can be possible.