Journal, continued, September - ?

September 29, 2009

Dear Master,

I wish i could tell you these things, but i am afraid. I wish you would read this, but you wont unless i ask you to, which i wont because we have such little time together. I wish you remembered more of what i tell you. I wish you remembered that i asked you to read this once in a while so you know how i'm doing. i wish you would fuck me harder and rougher. It's been ages since you've tied me up or gently whipped me, even though i keep leaving hints. My last fuck buddy and i had crazy sex. He'd actually choke me until I couldn't remind myself how to breathe and he'd have to slap me to wake me and tell me to breathe.

I wish you would hurt me when i ask! I can get vanilla from anyone. I'm even afraid to ask anymore because i'm never sure what i'm going to get from You, and its almost never what i really want or am needing. (I made a major mistake of asking for a beating instead of just whipping. Much harder much faster, and in such a way that it wasn't pleasurable...for me. He sure enjoyed it.)

I wish I could tell You how ashamed i am when i don't have money for rent. I cant let this happen anymore. Accepting money is hard, especially when i'm worried that You're feeling obligated. Which you aren't. I appriectiate it very much, You are saving me, and i wount let it happen anymore. Thank You.

I wish You would make me a schedual/diet/work out plan and give it to me, like You said You would. If i had it, i'd feel like i was serving You all the time. I know You're busy, and this is my only place to voice my selfish thoughts and actions. Getting it all out helps me re-focus and become a better slave.

Thank you for making a bit more time for me. I love You.

Undated 1

Master: Maybe if I bookmark this, You will look at me tomorrow when you come over.
Can't wait to see you!

Undated 2

Oh yeah... the way I came so hard (on my belly, with closed legs) was because you were massaging me at the same time.
Without it, the postition sucks!

Undated 3

Or not...
not enough time, no more slave.
Couldn't do it anymore.