Missing...

As soon as I started learning about the M/s relationship, I knew it was what I wanted, and I entered the relationship with my most recent Master. I ended the relationship recently, thinking that I was not getting what I needed from it. It was making me think that I was trying to fit myself into the slave mold, and that I perhaps wasn't meant for that role.

I miss it terribly. I need to serve the one I love. I need to care for him, to do his chores, cook his food, submit, take the pain he gives, and provide my body for his use at every single minute of my day. Play and sex with others does not interest me in the least. I yearn to live to please him. I am unsure if I should ask him to take me back, as I was not getting what I wanted (play, attention, sex) as often as I thought I needed it due to outside factors.

I don't know what to hope for most - for these life situations to change in order to get the life I want, or to hope to find someone else to be with. I love him now, and I wish to submit to no one else. However, these life situations will not be changing anytime soon. Soon as within 10 years. Can I be happy with some middle ground? I am not sure, as I desperately want something I have difficulty to even describe, because to do so fully would, I fear, lead to dispair. The last thing I want is to leave the lifestyle. I need it, it is who I am. I wish I just would know what was going to happen, and when. However, that would ruin the journey, and likely prevent me from having the drive to get there.

Being a Masterless slave hurts, and I feel like so much of me is missing. I yearn to submit and serve in the way I envision, completely, live-in, 24/7. I hope someday I will have that.