Long time without an update

So we discussed, and everything was ok, all hurts and misunderstandings were mostly just brushed over in the face of the overall realization that we cannot currently be together in a way that would make either of us truely happy. We have decided to take our own ways and we will both see where our respective lives take us, and if they bring us back together, at a point where we can have our life, we will. Until then, we are both moving on, and hoping that we will each have safe and happy lives. Until I find someone(s) else, I will be finding my play time at parties.

My Friends

So it seems more people read this than I knew, or thought. I have people giving me their hopes and thoughts, and I really am thankful that you all care enough about me to check this.

I also just wanted to say, quickly, that this is of course, my side of the story. I have done my best not to distort it. I know he comes from a good place, wanting to give me a friend and that safety in public, but if she does not want to play with me (unknown) and is straight (known), then it doesnt help me out with the things i am not getting from my love: enough loving time, attention, and BDSM play. Now, he has already dedicated himself to helping her, before i have met her, and I am hurt. I am expected to help this young lady find herself in BDSM, but i do not have the time or energy to teach someone completely new, especially if i do not get what i need out of the relationship.

I hope for his love, his apology, and his care. Because right now, I am not his. I do not feel like I was respected. Others in the community here have destroyed women in the same way our relationship is being destroyed.

I made this blog for a few reasons. I needed a place to put my frustration, hopes, anger, disappointments, my stuggles and my love. I needed them in one place so that he could read them when he had a second. I don't even know if he has read the last one, as he has no time to see me personally, to talk, or even to text.

I want to talk to him about the relationships others have witnessed collapsing. I wish he had been with me, this weekend, like he was supposed to, so he could have heard them all firsthand, and witnessed it.

I am not at ALL opposed to poly. Just to forced poly. With a man who has no time and a woman who is not attracted to me...sounds great.

Lost...Confused...Betrayed?

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Ode to my Master

Master, please do not read this. I want to read it outloud to you, if I may, so that you can get the breaks and emphasis I put into this that can only be found in my head. I wrote this for you, as I love you beyond a doubt.



A whisper, the perfect words on his breath
Raising the hairs on the back of my neck.
His arms wrap around me, strong and inviting.
My blood is racing, throbbing and pounding.
His hands drift up, and wrap in my hair
Then choke me, and I gasp for air.
His ropes, so sensual and sweet,
Tie me up tight, and only for keeps.
The leather, my collar so tight
Makes me feel sexy, wanted and right.
The flogger falls on my butt and my back
My new leather paddle makes quite a “thwack!”
Tears of pleasure fall from my face
My eyes fuzz and I enter sub-space
Some may think it’s wrong, but o - it feels good
I would submit to you all night if I could!
We end in a flurry of passion and lust
Lovemaking and snuggles to end is a must.
As always, I know, the scene cannot last all night,
But my love for you will - for the rest my life.

For O/our future room

The perfect dungeon can be created out of our bedroom!
A collapsable saint andrews cross that turns into a pedestal and shelf http://www.foxyfurniture.com/catalog/item/2126630/1537428.htm

A "pandoras chest" to kneel on, bend over on, etc and for storage http://www.foxyfurniture.com/catalog/item/2126630/1747458.htm

Add some rings in the ceiling over the bed, for suspension or bondage/restraint. These can, when not in use, be used to hold fabric to drap over the bed.

Tall cabinets to hold our toys, so they can hang. I saw someone use pegboard, which allowed them to constanly arrange toys and allow everything to fit.

Paint could be a beautiful grey or blue/grey, with grey and white accents, and dark, rich wood. Not only is this an appropriate color for a bedroom, it is appropriate for a dungeon, and i personally would love this bedroom.

I can picture it already. And i want it. It will happen.